The other night I decided to attend a church service at a Cowboy Church. If you've never heard of them...the name is self-explanatory and they are pretty common around here. I just wanted to go somewhere where people didn't know me. I figured a church was better than I bar, so I went. These churches tend to be pretty fundamental and traditional as far as Bible Belt theology goes. I grew up with good 'ole Southern Baptist fundamentalism, but it's not where I am anymore. I believe growing up in that enviroment laid a beautiful foundation for my life. But simply put, I've moved on. So I knew what to expect and boy they didn't disappoint! The best part was the band. They were a toe-tappin' group with a fiddle and steel guitar. About 20 minutes into the (instrumental) music, the pastor walked in and the whole audience stood up....like the President was walking in or something. He led the singing, although most of what he sang were songs he wrote. He had a southern drawl as thick as molassas and his sermon was more about the devil than God. My favorite illustration was something about "gettin' yur britches tore on the barbed-wire fence of life." Pretty damn funny. After I had been there awhile, I really began to question myself as to why I wanted to spend my evening in this place. Guess I chalk it up to one of those unexplainable lapses of common sense. But it was a beautiful evening here in the Hill Country....at least that much I enjoyed.
I did come away with a reminder of one of the crown jewels of Christianity...Heaven. I wrestled with this a lot when my father was dying..."what is it really?" I was taught growing up that it was the "place you go when you die," and " the place where God lives." It was about "eternal life." It's about getting through this life in such a way (being saved) as to receive our "eternal reward." In short, I don't really believe that anymore. At this church, there were a lot of songs about Heaven. They cheered when the pastor spoke of "going to be with Jesus." As I looked around the audience my thought was, "What is it about this life that makes us want to focus so much on "the next life? " Is it that we see this life, or rather experience this life, with only pain and suffering? I have never really understood this part of Christian theology. It doesn't make sense that Jesus came to teach people to love only for the purpose of getting into heaven. Where did we get this "saved" stuff anyway? Go read your Bible, people. It's NOT there. Jesus said "I came to give life abundantly." I know life can be hard. My life is a fucking tornado right now. Ugh. But I also believe that God is with me right now. I don't have to wait to get to heaven to experience that total presence. And I dont' believe that I just have to suffer through this life until I die.
If you like Christian music close you ears...I'm about to slam one of Christian music's prized jewels. I like the band Mercyme; they've got some good tunes. But their big hit, "I Can Only Imagine" is a bit problematic for me. Here's a few lyrics:
I can only imagine
what it will be like
when I walk by your side
I can only imagine
what my eyes will see
when your face is before me
Surrounded by your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance before your Jesus, or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall.........
I can only imagine
when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you.
Perhaps Mercyme wasn't writing about Heaven. But at least that seems to be the way people hear this song. It's like Christians (in general) seem to live with the belief of "It's going to be so great when we all get to heaven and worship God; see God; be in awe, etc." Ugh...hello? Do it now. What are you waiting for? God doesn't reside in a galaxy far, far away. He, she, it...is here now. With us when we cook our family meals, listen to a hurting friend, watch mindless TV, go to church, or go to work. God is present always, everywhere, now. I've read that the Quaker tradition regarded everything about their lives as being sacred. God was in everything: plowing the fields, sewing or praying. That's how I want to live my life. Aware of the presence of God all the time. It's idealistic. But it's my heart's desire. I just don't think we have to just endure this life before we get the really good stuff.
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1 comment:
interesting post. i don't really get caught up in that "hereafter" lingo or rhetoric too much either. alot of it seems to be just like you said, what people were brought up "believing". Or rather what they just took in and regergitated back out. Its like creeds or congregational responses: I don't think people really give it much thought. Like driving. After a while you just do it without analyzing the detail. I would hope that heaven, whatever that is like or where it is, is a much better place than this... but i would also hope that people are in touch with God now - in the present - and ain't just hopin' and a wishin' for something later on. nice post. don't wait so long next time.
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