Sunday, April 29, 2007

God has blonde hair...

And He giggles. Trinity Grace turned 2 on April 5. Her older sister, Faith Ryan turned 4 today. And today was their birthday party. I adore my nieces and obviously, they adore me. Trinity and I swang (swinged, swung??? I didnt' do well in English, I'm a musician)...we sat in a swing together for half an hour. Blissful. One of the cool things about kids is that in order to play with them you have to be in the moment. I loose track of time, and I forget about all the "stuff." Maybe this just happens when you are the Auntie visiting for the weekend. Probably. Nonetheless, it was a good reminder and I hope I'll remember those giggles the next time I get too serious about life.

Sunday, April 22, 2007


When I started this blog, my goal was to write once a week. Well, it's been Easter since my last post. Oh, well. Mostly, I've been super busy with work. And life has just been kind of hard the last 2 weeks. I know...welcome to everyone's world.

I've been married for almost 3 years. So far, I've discovered that married life is just hard. Well, shit hit the fan again a couple of weeks ago. One morning I was doing some writing and praying. Prayer has become more and more of a mystery to me. I used to believe that praying was getting God to do things: heal, provide, change something or someone, etc. What I believe today is that prayer doesn't do that at all. Prayer is for me. Prayer raises my awareness of the Divine, of something/someone that's bigger than me and me trying to be connected to the Divine. I was writing my prayer this particular morning and in response to the current marital conflict, I asked God to "help me me bigger than I have been before today." I'm not perfect just so you know. I've certainly done my share (or more) to contribute to things in my marriage being hard. I was acutely aware this particular morning that I just wanted to be different. Really. I wasn't praying for him to be different or the situation to be different (at least not this time). For this day, I wanted to more patient, more accepting, more kind. I believe that I received what I prayed for. Now, you've probably heard the old saying that God answers prayers in one of three ways: 1)yes, 2) no, 3)maybe. I'm not sure that subscribe to that notion anymore. I think God always answers prayers. And I believe that God answered my prayer that particular day...with MANY f'ing opportunities to be more kind, more patient, more accepting. I think God answered by giving me the chances and the awareness to make different choices. And I did fair...I think. Maybe my husband would have different opinion. At the very least, I was aware. This is not bragging on myself by any means. It's my ramblings about prayer. 'Cause it's just a big mystery...just like God. Hmmm. Go figure.

Sunday, April 1, 2007


A couple of years ago, I wrote devotional for our teenagers for Passover Week. Now, I'm a singer not a writer. Nevertheless, I attempted the task. Well, it's Palm Sunday and I thought I would be brave and share it with you. It makes this post way too long, but I'm doing it anyway.


` It’s the last week of Jesus’s life. Crowds of the curious, desperate and hopeful had been following him for a couple of years. He had performed miracles and healed many people. Sometimes he told stories no one understood, not even the disciples. He had many friends and was making many enemies. Now this week was here. He always knew the time would come. It is time for Him to die.
What was he thinking? Maybe he didn’t know how fast things would happen, but I believe he knew his death was imminent. How did he feel? How would you feel? What would be going through your mind? No, really. Stop and think about it. What would it be like to know you had just a few days to live? I wonder if there was something Jesus regretted…something he did or didn’t do? When he left home, did he tell his mother how much he loved and appreciated her? Did he ever do the thing he had always wanted to do?
I’m reminded of the months preceeding my father’s death. Daddy told us many times, “I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to leave my family.” One night when all of our family was gathered together he told us, “I’m going to a place I don’t want to go yet, but I have to. When I’m gone, I want all of you to stay together and get along. Be good to each other and love one another.” Quite a blessing from someone who would die just one week later. He knew he was going to heaven and that knowledge made things easier for him. It didn’t remove his sadness. Yet, he courageously embraced his reality and tried to make the most of his time. I think Jesus did the same. He must have been sad. He wept in the garden hours before he was arrested. He shared a meal with his disciples. Jesus gave them his blessing and admonition to remember him and love each other. Jesus knew what had to happen. I believe he embraced that destiny in spite of his very real human struggles. However, unlike my father, I think he had a choice. Jesus was no different than us with his abilities to make choices. I think he could have chosen to put his “destiny” off a year…or 10…or 20. Why not live out more his life? Things were going well with his ministry. He loved teaching and so many peoples’ lives were being changed. Why not stay here longer and care for his aging mother? He had choices. He chose this time. Why? The only guess I have is love. His whole life was about loving others and teaching them how to love.

“I have loved you as the Father has loved me. You must go on living in my love…I have told you this so that you can share my joy and that your happiness may be complete. This is my commandment: that you love each other as I have loved you. There is no greater love than this- that a man should lay done his life for his friends.”
John 15:9-13 (JB Phillips translation)

Jesus had a great love for those around him. He also had a great love for mankind. And he loved his Father. He knew his death would liberate mankind, making it possible for us to know God the way he did.
And so, next Sunday is Easter. We’ll celebrate that love. We’ll sing happy songs, watch children hunt Easter eggs, and have special meals with our families. As Easter approaches, I offer you a challenge. be mindful of your choices. Make brave choices. Make loving choices. How would you live if this was the last week of your life? Here are a few suggestions:

Be thankful!
Notice the little things: Spring flowers, the nice bed you sleep in, or a pantry that’s always full of snacks
Say thank you!
Do something kind or of service to someone—anonymously
Breathe deeply…just because you can
Did I mention being thankful?
Tell the people you love, “I love you.”

Tim McGraw recorded a song that says, “Live like you were dying.”

Let’s try it and see what happens.