When I started this blog, my goal was to write once a week. Well, it's been Easter since my last post. Oh, well. Mostly, I've been super busy with work. And life has just been kind of hard the last 2 weeks. I know...welcome to everyone's world.
I've been married for almost 3 years. So far, I've discovered that married life is just hard. Well, shit hit the fan again a couple of weeks ago. One morning I was doing some writing and praying. Prayer has become more and more of a mystery to me. I used to believe that praying was getting God to do things: heal, provide, change something or someone, etc. What I believe today is that prayer doesn't do that at all. Prayer is for me. Prayer raises my awareness of the Divine, of something/someone that's bigger than me and me trying to be connected to the Divine. I was writing my prayer this particular morning and in response to the current marital conflict, I asked God to "help me me bigger than I have been before today." I'm not perfect just so you know. I've certainly done my share (or more) to contribute to things in my marriage being hard. I was acutely aware this particular morning that I just wanted to be different. Really. I wasn't praying for him to be different or the situation to be different (at least not this time). For this day, I wanted to more patient, more accepting, more kind. I believe that I received what I prayed for. Now, you've probably heard the old saying that God answers prayers in one of three ways: 1)yes, 2) no, 3)maybe. I'm not sure that subscribe to that notion anymore. I think God always answers prayers. And I believe that God answered my prayer that particular day...with MANY f'ing opportunities to be more kind, more patient, more accepting. I think God answered by giving me the chances and the awareness to make different choices. And I did fair...I think. Maybe my husband would have different opinion. At the very least, I was aware. This is not bragging on myself by any means. It's my ramblings about prayer. 'Cause it's just a big mystery...just like God. Hmmm. Go figure.
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I'm on a spiritual journey. Actually, I think all of us have always been on a spiritual journey. I know so much less than I did when I was younger. The only thing I know for sure right now is that God is Love and only Love is real. I'm hear to learn, talk, debate, question, change.
The Road Less Traveled
I'm on a spiritual journey. Actually, I think all of us are on and always have been on a spiritual journey. I know so much less about God than I did when I was younger. ..when I was sure I knew everything there was to know. The only thing I know for sure right now is that God is Love and only Love is real. I'm here to learn, talk, debate, question, change.
Stuff I like
- reading, cooking, watching South Park, Mexican Martinis, flowers, the sunrise, the sunset, watching babies sleep, stilettos, cats, chicken and dumplins, candles, children, talking about spiritual stuff, jewelry, NCAA basketball, bubble baths and classical musci, mint chocolate chip ice cream, hiking, riding motorcycles in the mountains, writing, blackberry cobbler, entertaining people in my house, bonfires, walking on the beach, photography, Sunday afternoon football, Christmas, good wine and chatting with friends, the beautiful wildflowers of Texas Springtime, playing with my nieces and nephews, the Northwest coast, small town coffee shops
Movies I love
- The Princess Bride, all the Star Wars, Hook, Sandlot, Little Mermaid, Little Miss Sunshine, Joe vs. The Volcano, Beauty and the Beast, The Breakfast Club, Usual Suspects, Shawshank Redemption, all The Matrix, School of Rock, Holiday Inn, Aladdin, Braveheart, Grease, The Lion King, The Sound of Music, Fried Green Tomatoes, Tommy Boy, Wizard of Oz, Crash, A Christmas Carol,
Favorite Books
- Velvet Elvis, A Generous Orthodoxy, The Velveteen Rabbit, Wicked, The Lamb, most Particia Cornwell, Wrestling with God, Dr. Suess, Psalms, A Return to Love, 5 People You Meet in Heaven
Some cool music
- The Beattles, The Daylights, Cisco Kid, Billy Crockett, Linder Eder, The David Crowder Band, Dave Madden, Monte Montgomery, Chopin, Faure, Trisha Yearwood, The Eagles, anything jazz, anything blues, Brahms, Carly Simon, Prince, Christmas songs, Beethoven, U2
3 comments:
you rock.
that's the gospel right there sister. period.
thank you for being my teacher today.
go ahead on!
I can see how "coincidental" my Santa Claus Jesus entry was at the same time you were writing this blog.
Yes. I agree. Prayer is really a mystery. I believe in intercessory prayer cause I've done it. Only it didn't work everytime like I thought. just plain strange. Its kinda like Cracker Jacks. I know there is a prize in the pack, just not sure what it is or if I will like it. I like your thoughts on it bringing you closer to the Divine. Michael Yaconneli in Messy Spirituality says that being spiritual isn't just about praying all the time, but just being aware of God and thinking about God. Like you seem to be doing.
Oh. And marriage. DEFINITELY hard work. Frustrating. Everything you think it is NOT and more at times. If anything has me doubting Christianity - that is way high on the list of things... What happened to that idiot after we married? good grief. or bad grief.
Reading a good book. been around a while but I'm learning some things.
His Needs/Her needs.
mainly just confirms my viewpoint - but I am a prophet...lol :)
I've just started to blog recently,and came across your entry on prayer. It is undeniably difficult. I agree that it should be less about us and more about getting closer to God. But putting the theory in to practice is tough
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