Billy Wayne

That's what his family called him. Just "daddy" to me. Today would be his 64th birthday. I've been pretty sentimental about certain days since he passed away in 2004. I do something special, or that helps me remember him on Father's Day, his birthday, and even the day he passed away. I love to cook, so I always cook some of the foods he really liked. On Father's Day, I carry an old Bible of his. It's one his parents gave him on his 12th birthday. King James version, of course. It's pretty old and beat up now, but cool to have it. Today, I'll think I'll watch a John Wayne classic, True Grit. He was a huge John Wayne fan. I remember the night it was announced that he had died. My father promptly said, "Well, it's time to the turn the TV off." I've never been a huge fan of Western movies, but it will be good today.

Daddy was a good man. One of those Texas "good ole boys." A rare and dying breed, I think. He was one of the hardest working men I've ever known. (I wish I had the work ethic!) And he would do anything for just about anyone. I feel like I knew 2 different men growing up, though. When I was a kid, I remember a very disconnected, quiet, isolated man. I remember him coming home from work everyday and he followed the same routine: eat dinner (no one talked), sit in his brown vinyl recliner and watch TV (no one talked) and then go to bed around 9:30 or so. The only other variable was that he and my mother fought constantly...that was about the only "talking" that ever happened. They divorced when I was 12. Something good happened for him as a result of that. He became an engaged, humous guy, and became intensely involved in our church. During my childhood, he rarely went to church. Something in him was tranformed, and it was very cool to watch. In the weeks prior to his death, we talked quite a bit about his marriage to my mother. It was a pretty miserable situation. My mother is an alcoholic and I think there are (or were) other mental disorders as well. I have my own difficult memories from her, but perhaps it was even more difficult as a spouse. Certainly daddy had his part in their problems. I have no intention of painting him as a saint or even a victim. As Al-Anon states, alcoholism is a family disease. It's just hard on everybody.

Hmmm, I had no idea where I was going with this entry! But welcome to my family stories! Mostly, I'm taking the time to remember a good man and give honor to my daddy.

P.S.- I'm not cooking today. I hang out with our teenagers from church every Wednesday. But! Tomorrow's menu: chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans (stewed with bacon all day till they practically disintegrate!) and, of course, peach cobbler.

Spring Time

This is my lovely yard in the Spring. I can't take credit for it, though. The owners before me planted this beautiful garden. Thankfully, about the only thing I have to do is turn the sprinklers on. Nonetheless, it's stunning from about May till July. It's one of my favorite things about my home.

Mission Accomplished!!

TJ is a graduate!! Graduation was last Friday night. I can't tell you how proud I felt. I was able to stop all my busyness about half-way through the day and be present...I just wept. And I cried off and on through the whole ceremony. I know every parent feels proud at this moment, I just think my kid is extra special! LOL! Thankfully, his mom and many other family members came. They also came to our house the next day for the party. I was very happy for him that they came. I was worried that some might not cross "cultural boundaries"...to be politically sensitive. And the party? Well, if I say so myself...it was a smashing hit!! Food, music, and everything was ready on time! We had about 80 poeple come by throughout the day. It was so much fun and TJ felt very honored. And he so deserves that. Friends and family were so generous with gifts...and now he's learning the fine art of ThankYou notes! He thinks I'm out of my mind for this!

I've said this before, I'll trust that God will continue blessing my life with beautiful people, experiences, and abundance. But I don't know if I will ever feel more blessed and humbled than to be a part of this young man's life. I grew up singing a very simple song. I hear it and feel it very deeply in my heart today

God is so good,

God is so good,

God is so good,

He's so good to me.

Babies!

They're here!

And bless their hearts, they're about the ugliest things I've ever seen! There were still six eggs when I left for church yesterday morning, but when I got back 4 had hatched! One more egg hatched this morning; still one left. I'm so facinated by this! I watched the mamma and pappa birds bring food yesterday and feed them. So, cool. But that's not all...we also have a little family of cardinals now feeding on one of my feeders. They're actually returning guests. The cardinal babies are not very pretty either, but I have fun watching both the male and female feed their babies. And...I have baby squirrels! I saw them yesterday in one of our big oak trees. These guys are very cute! I just have a little nursery around here. Spring is awesome.

On another note, we talked about being stuck yesterday at church. Interesting topic for me right now. In some ways, I do feel very stuck. And yet, there is so much change; so much in motion. Pastor talked about Jacob and his wrestling with God. It left a mark...but, as his name says, "and he lived." Feeling stuck is frustrating for me, but I wonder that sometimes I call being stuck just resistance to being still. Maybe? Being still is where I find clarity, direction, serenity. I know this and yet I don't stop very easily sometimes. Guess I'm stubborn?!

And a good reason to not be still? Graduation is in 4 days! And a big ole' party on 5. I'm off now to get ready for about 80 poeple in my home, including cooking 20 lbs. of fajita meat, 5 gallons of charro beans and 3 cakes!

New houseguest

I have a new friend who's taken up residence in my house. Check her out....

Can you see her? It's a Carolina Wren; she's in the middle of the picture. She's built a nest in my potted Salvia that sits on my balcony. She and , I suppose the pappa bird, built the nest about a week and a half ago. I just happened to catch them..it was facinating. It took them all afternoon, but they built this perfectly round nest. I just think this is amazing! The nest laid empty for a few days, and then one day there were 3 eggs! For the next 3 days, there a one new egg every day. Supposedly, gestation is about 12-15 days. I've noticed the mama bird is spending more time there, so i expect to have 6 little babies any day now!

On another note, Tj is graduating in 10 days!! This is his last full week of classes. He's so excited! We got his official acceptance to Quincy University a couple of weeks ago. That was the final straw in his mounting apathy toward high school. He's done. All he wants to do is go fishing! I'm so proud of him I could burst! We're throwing a big party for him the day after graduation. I'm ridiculously swamped in my "To-Do" list. We have about 60 people coming for a fajita lunch, and another 30 or so coming for an Open House afterwards. I love to cook and host...but I've never done it for this many people! I'm a little nervous, but I'm getting lots of Spring Cleaning done!

To continue my bragging about TJ, here's a picture of the handsome young man and his girlfriend. Prom was a couple of weeks ago...they looked so great!

Purple elephants

The title has absolutely nothing to do with this blog. Giving a title to my blabbing most often eludes me. Today, for some odd reason, those are the words that first darted across my mind.

Anyway, I was in a Bible Study recently where the lady leading the discussion asked the group, "Can you be happy and still be doing the right thing?" My immediate response (to myself) was, "yes." Others responded out loud with "yes-es" and "no-s." The leader, ask a few more questions and then talked about how she believes that you can't. I didn't catch much of her reason, I was too immersed in my own thoughts. There are some areas of my life right now that just don't make me happy. Yet, I do believe that I'm in the right place. When I started my blog, my intention was for it to be anonymous. But now, people I know tell me all the time that they've read my blog. It's kind of cool, but it also makes a difference at times what I write. Today, out of respect for others, I'll be general. But let me just say that relationships are hard. Or at least, I certainly seem to make some hard!! Alas. I'm told, and I believe, that others can be a very good mirror for our own lives. What you see in others...those things that push your buttons; behaviors that annoy you...is really a reflection of yourself. This really sucks. I seem to be annoyed frequently these days. So, I'm getting the chance to see things about myself that deserve some work. Or maybe that's just a question. If I'm being given the opportunity to pull back the veil on my stuff, then isn't this the right place to be? But I'm not very happy. For me all this pyscho-babble begs the question...."when is other people's stuff just their stuff and it's got nothing to do with me?" Some of my circumstances right now remind me of experiences from childhood. The short story is that I'm a child of an alcoholic; a rageful alcoholic. If my life right now is repeating (even to some extent) experiences from back then...then it really is about my stuff and not another person. Yes? Today is helping me work through the past? Or when are other people just toxic? I don't play arm-chair Shrink very well. When all these questions start swirling in my head, I get overwhelmed. Better said, I become paralyzed; numb. "My head hurts and I dont' want to think about this anymore."

Happy Tuesday everyone!! Hah, hah. Not a very upbeat entry, but this is where I am today, so this is what you get!!

Frivolity

I've been working countless hours in my yard the last 2 weeks. The previous owners of our home invested in some wonderful landscaping. I inherited lots of beauty AND lots of work. So far, I've moved 55 bags of mulch, trimmed a dozen bushes (with power tools even....yeah!) and pulled approximately a zillion weeds. I'm not done. It will all be worth it, though. In a matter of weeks, I will have a plethora of lovely flowers. I'll post pictures.

But yesterday, I took the day off. I puttered around town after an appointment doing various stuff. The pictures I've posted are a few momentos from my day. The picture on the top left is from a tire store that's been in business here forever. I've always thought their slogan was hilarious. The picture right beside it is the marque of a local men's club. I refuse to call it a "gentleman's" club. I loathe these places, but the sign was funny and sadly, probably true. The picture at the bottom is my favorite. It's from inside my bank. I probably would be arrested if anyone saw me taking this picture but I HAD to. On the left of the picture is a door to the lobbby with a security key pad. A sign is nearby saying something about entering a security code. The funny part is the OPEN corridor just to the right. I've looked....I've looked hard...many times...there is no gate, no door...NOTHING! I guess it's possible there are infrared "Mission Impossible" death rays, or maybe the secret security gate is just invisible to the naked eye...and the unsuspecting bank robber. Maybe. So...the locked door with the security keypad next to the wide open doorway... both leading to the same lobby. That's just too funny.

Enjoy!